As many of you know, we are big on goal setting and role modeling here at Miles To Go. This past weekend at the US Open one of our favorite role models, Serena Williams, had what appeared to be an amygdala hijacking when she yelled at a lines woman. She received a point penalty for unsportsmanlike conduct (on match point) and was then defaulted from the game and the US Open, where she had been expected to win the singles championship. An amygdala hijacking, made famous by Daniel Goleman in his book Emotional Intelligence, is when a person receives a visual or auditory stimulus that is followed by an explosive, unexpected reaction. When we see a person over-react to a situation, first we have to ask, “What information does that person have or not have that I don’t know or understand?” Sometimes we are the ones who don’t have all the information. When an amygdale hijacking occurs, the brain’s neurochemistry allows the thalamus to bypass the cortex and immediately activate the amygdala, which results in an extreme emotional reaction that is based solely on previously stored information. When this happens, we observe a person who explodes in an outburst that seems shocking, out of place, or wildly excessive to the observer.
Life is all about how we process information and what we do with that information. Since there were millions of people watching when Serena lost control, she immediately became fair game for everybody’s opinion. One writer proposed that she ruined her career as a role model; another said she was smug, with a big smile across her face; another said that she should apologize and get back out there on the court. People usually use their knowledge bas and personal experiences when they attempt to assign meaning to events. My personal impression as I watched Serena was that of a professional athlete who faced a challenge that night. She did not look smug or smiling to me, she looked sad and disappointed. Something happened to upset her, and she reacted without forthought or consideration. The reaction was unsportsmanlike and against the rules, but it was the exhibition of behavior that we’ve never seen from her before that surprised us all. Did she have a bad day? Did she hear something that we did not? Do we all lose our tempers occasionally? Until we’ve played a few sets in Serena’s tennis shoes, we can’t answer any of these questions.
I suggest that we consider all the people who have been given a second chance and proved themselves worthy. Are you one of these people? Have you ever said anything in the heat of the moment? Imagine the pressure and stress when millions of dollars and championship points are on the line! We give addicts who relapse a second chance to get back on the wagon. We give smokers as many chances as they need to stop smoking. I’m not saying that Serena is addicted to yelling at lines people, but we need to recognize that everyone has a bad day occasionally. Serena has already paid dearly for her outburst, and will probably continue to do so as an investigation into her behavior unfolds. In the light of day, she apologized for her behavior and regretted her actions.
For me, no discussion of sports role models is complete without Michael Phelps, a role model on the world’s stage who has been caught several times using drugs and alcohol. Certainly his actions have been immature and disappointing, but we have hope for him too. These role models are humans who make mistakes, but one or two mistakes do not define a person’s character. It is repetitive mistakes, where the person never seems to learn a lesson, that we worry about. Hope stirs, though when a person learns from their mistakes and shows growth, a higher emotional intelligence, and self awareness. One bad day doesn’t mean the end of a positive role model.
In the end, Serena’s quote says it all: “I need to make it clear to all young people that I handled myself inappropriately and it’s not the way to act — win or lose, good call or bad call in any sport, in any manner” she said. “I like to lead by example. We all learn from experiences both good and bad, I will learn and grow from this, and be a better person as a result.”
